Cory's Shreksational Adventure
by Hatty Mikune
Summary: President Cory Baxter has a lot of bad memories. His family was murdered, and he killed a man. He needs to escape America, but various problems arise. He meets a few new friends, Shrek, Donkey, and Dragon-chan, and must kill Hitler. Blood, Gore, Death, and Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

Cory sat back in his chair, resting his feet on his desk. Cory was in the President's office. Why? Well, Cory was elected President of Having Some Fun.

"I remember when I was the candidate of having some fun..." Cory said, reminiscing. "Those were some pretty good times." He looked over at his best friend, Jason Dolley, who was playing some electric guitar. "Hey Newtston, brother bro, buddy boy, il mio fratello, do you remember that time we blackmailed Victor into assassinating Richard Martinez?" Cory asked Jason.

"Yeah, Corles. That was pretty sick! I had no idea that people had so much blood in them!" Jason Dolley laughed. He started to play a U.N Owen was Her metal solo cover on his electric guitar.

"Woah, Jay, is that ANIME? Are you GAY?!" Cory screamed. He lifted his hand over the "KILL" button on his desk. Jason stopped playing the gay music and threw his guitar on the ground.

"No, President Baxter! It's not what it looks like! I swear!" he stepped back, buckets of sweat pouring down his face.

"I'm pretty sure that's a chinatown cartoon song!" Cory yelled, pulling out his Cobra CA380 and loading it.

"No! I'm not gay! I promise! I love Meena!" Jason covered his face, cowering in fear.

"..."

"..."

"What did you just say?" Cory asked quietly.

'I... I didn't mean it..." Jason stammered.

"Jason..." Cory pointed his Cobra at Jason Dolley's head. "Meena is mine, and she will always be mine. We used to be best friends, but no longer. You can't try to steal my girl and get away with it!"

"NO! STOP!" Jason screamed.

Cory pulled the trigger, there was a gunshot, and Jason crumpled to the floor. Cory got out of his chair and walked over to the corpse. Jason's head was blown in half, and blood was covering the wall. The Cobra fell to the ground. "Wh-what have I done?" he stammered. "I... I killed him. Jason Dolley is dead... because of me." Cory looked at his blood-covered hands, wide-eyed. "How could I?" Suddenly, the door of Cory's office was busted down. A man in a chef outfit was standing in the door frame, holding a butcher's knife.

"Cory, I'm disappointed in you." Victor said, looking at Jason.

"D-dad! I didn't know what I was doing!" Cory yelled.

"Son, you don't have to kill to get your way. Jason may have watched anime in secret, and he may have been gay, but you don't have to KILL him for it. You could have locked him up in jail." Victor sighed.

"He was gay, dad! HE HAD TO DIE!" Cory screamed, his voice cracking, tears pouring down his cheeks.

"No, Cory! Nobody deserves to die! You're only 14, you're too young to be a murderer!" 

"I can do what I want, dad! I'm a TEENAGER now! I'm my own person!" Cory reached for his "KILL" button.

"Cory, don't you dare! I am your father!" Victor raised his voice.

"Don't YELL AT ME, DAD!" Cory screamed.

"I can yell at you whenever I want to!" Victor yelled.

"You always do this! SHUT UP AND JUST DIE ALREADY!" Cory screamed, and slammed the kill button. There was a flash of green, and the roof collapsed.

"Your murdering days are ogre now, President Baxter," a Scottish voice said.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wh-who's that?" Cory managed to gasp out. He realized that part of the White House ceiling was crushing his legs.

"Don't worry about who I am." the Scottish voice said. A large figure walked out of the dust, carrying an unconscious Victor in his large, muscular arms. It was a large green ogre, wearing a nice hide tunic, and brown breeches.

"What's your name?" Cory asked the large, buff, handsome ogre.

"My name is Shrek. I already know who you are, Cory Baxter." Shrek dropped Victor to the ground.

"Why are you here?" Cory gasped in pain.

"To help you escape." Shrek said, lifting the rubble off of Cory.

"Gaaah!" Cory screamed. "I-it hurts so badly!"

"Don't worry, Cory. The pain will end soon." Shrek shushed Cory.

"Wh-what do you mean? Are you going to kill me?" Cory's eyes were wide.

"No, Cory. I would never dream of hurting you." said Shrek in his seductive voice. Shrek leaned down to Cory's crushed legs and kissed each of them once. The scent of onions filled the room.

"A-ah! Shrek..." Cory twitched. Shrek lifted up his head.

"You see, Mr. President, I have magical healing powers." Shrek said soothingly. Cory looked down at his legs.

"Woah..." There was a green and purple aura surrounding his legs. Shrek slowly levitated off of the ground. "Wh-what are you?" Cory asked.

"I'm... well... don't tell anyone, but..." Shrek started, but was interrupted as somebody ran through the door. It was Meena, Cory's crush.

"Meena!" Cory stammered. He looked at Shrek kissing his legs, and back up at Meena.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH! Gays! Gays!" Meena screamed, and pulled out a knife.

"No! Meena! I'm not gay, I swear!" Cory yelled, and got up.

"Don't talk to me! I'll catch the gay!" Meena threw the knife at Cory. Suddenly, time went in slow motion. Cory looked over at Shrek.

"I'm slowing down time. You have to hurry and make a decision. You must either take the knife, or find something to block it with... I can't keep doing this, you have 30 seconds." Shrek grimaced in pain. It seemed that it hurt to slow down time with Ogre Magic.

Cory looked around the room. There was no way that Cory was going to let the knife hit him. He had to do something. Then, it hit him. Not the knife, but an idea.

"You have 15 seconds!" Shrek yelled in his mighty ogre voice.

"Wait, why can't I just roll out of the way?" Cory asked Shrek, and started to move.

"Stop!" Shrek roared. "If you move your legs while time is being slowed down, they will stop healing!"

"DANGIT!" Cory screamed. Then, another idea popped into his head. Cory grabbed the unconscious body of Victor lying right next to him, and held it up.

"3, 2, 1!" Shrek said. Time unfroze, and within a second, the knife pierced Victor's heart.

"What!?" Meena gasped. "How did you...!?"

"Get her, Cory!" yelled Shrek. Cory dropped Victor's still warm corpse and reached for his "KILL" button.

"Stop that!" Meena yelled and pulled out a M1911 pistol. Cory lifted up his hand. "Wait!"

Cory looked up. "What?"

"You don't want to kill your crush do you?" Meena asked him.

"I-I..."

A gunshot went off. The "KILL" button shattered and fell onto the floor.

"You tricked me!" Cory yelled, and pulled out his Cobra. Now, both Meena and Cory were pointing guns at eachother.

"Nobody shoot," said Shrek. "We don't want any more deaths today. Cory, you killed your best friend, and because of that, your father ended up dead. How do you feel? Do you want to witness any more deaths for the rest of your life?"

"You don't know how I feel, Shrek!" Cory said.

"That's it! I'm sick of this!" Meena shot her pistol, and Cory jumped out of the way.

"Gaaah!" Cory screamed, and fell to the ground. A small pool of blood started to form under his head, and he was clutching his ear.

"Cory! Cory!" Shrek gasped. He lifted up his hand and blasted Meena out of the window. Shrek grabbed Cory's arm. "Are you okay, Cory?"

"Sh-shrek... my ear..." Cory stammered. Shrek gently lifted Cory's head up.

"Cory, you need to move your hand for a second." Cory gasped in pain as he moved his blood-soaked hand. There was a hole where his ear should be, and blood was pouring out of it. Shrek grabbed Cory's mangled ear off of the floor and held it up to his ear-hole. He kissed it, and Cory heard the sound of onions being cut. "How do you feel, Cory?"

"I-I feel great..." Cory said, feeling his ear. "Where's Meena ?"

"I can't see her, I think she escaped." said Shrek, looking out the window.

"Let's get out of here. We're probably wanted by the police now. Where should we go?" Cory asked Shrek.

"We have to go to Mexico." Shrek told him.

"What if we get caught by the Nazis when we're trying to escape?" Cory asked.

"Then we'll have to fight." said Shrek, pulling out an M16.


	3. Chapter 3

"Alright, Cory. Let's go." Shrek stepped out of the White House and got into his helicopter.

"Hello, Shrek. I see the mission was successful?" the pilot asked.

"Yes. The mission is ogre now." Shrek said.

"Nice to meet you, Cory. My name is Joe." the pilot said to Cory.

"Nice to meet you too, Joe." Cory shook his hand.

"You guys forgetting about me?" said a voice in the back of the helicopter. Shrek turned around.

"Donkey!" said Shrek. Cory turned around and looked at the donkey sitting down.

"Oh, hi. I'm Cory." he said to the ass.

"My name's Eddie Murphy, but everyone calls me Donkey because I'm trapped in a donkey's body."

"How did you get trapped in a donkey's body, Eddie?" Cory asked.

"Well, Fairy Godmother did it. She didn't like me that much." Eddie laughed.

"How did she do it, though?"

"She used polymerization and fused me with a donkey."

"Wow, what an ass!" Cory said.

"I GET IT!" Eddie roared with laughter.

"This is no time for joking around. Mecha-Hitler is rising by the minute, and before we escape to Mexico, we have to make things right!" Shrek yelled. "Ever since Hitler restored Pangaea, every city has been becoming poor. Hitler now controls the entire world besides America. He even controls Far Far Away... I miss Fiona." Shrek said, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"Who's Fiona?" Cory asked.

"She was my wife... she got shot by a Nazi." Shrek cried.

"I'm so sorry, Shrek. That's terrible." Cory patted him on the back.

"We should start heading for Nazi Germany. Once we kill Mecha-Hitler, we can go to Mexico." said Joe, and the helicopter lifted into the air.

"Why can't we just leave it to the military?" Cory asked Shrek.

"The military is dreck. I am the only Ogre left in the world, and I am the only one who has enough power to even be a tiny bit of a threat to Hitler." Shrek explained.

"Why do we have to come along?" Cory asked.

"Because we're friends, and you guys are gonna help me defeat him!" Shrek roared a mighty roar of happiness.

"Awesome!" Cory yelled, high fiving Shrek.

"We need a plan, guys." Donkey said, twiddling his tail with his hoof.

"Alright, listen up!" Shrek said, slamming his fists down on his lap. "Our first destination is Germany. We're going to go and take out Mecha-Hitler before anything. Then, we're going to take out all the zombies in the U.S."

"Wh-whoa... zombies?" Cory asked, shocked.

"Yes, Hitler created a virus that essentially turns people into zombies. It can be injected into bullets and it is highly contagious." Shrek explained.

"This reminds me of a video game!" Cory yelled, pretending to play with an imaginary controller.

"What's a video game?" asked Donkey.

"Ah, nevermind." Cory sighed.

"Alright, Aaron. Let's start heading for Germany." Shrek told the pilot.

"Yes sir."

"Wait, what?" Cory looked at Aaron/Joe. "I thought your name was Joe!"

"Well, my name's Aaron Mineguy, but I like Joe better." he explained.

"Why? That doesn't even make sense!" Cory yelled.

"You can't tell me what makes sense or not! You're just a little kid!" Aaron started up the helicopter.

"I'm not a little kid! I'm the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!" Cory roared.

"Give it a rest, Cory." Shrek said, putting his hand on Cory's shoulder. "Being president doesn't mean anything. Haven't you realized that the entire United States except for a few people are zombies?"

"What? How!? I never even noticed!" Cory thought for a moment. "Oh, maybe it's because I was constantly high during my president days. Maybe World War III wouldn't be happening if I made some better decisions. Oh well."

"Alright, be on the lookout, boys." Shrek commanded.

"What should we be looking for, Shrek-san?" Donkey asked.

"You have to search for zombies, Meena, or Nazis. If you see any of them, you have my full permission to shoot." Shrek attached a scope to his M16.

"Alright. Thank you, Shrek, by the way." Cory looked Shrek in his eyes. He noticed how beautiful his deep brown eyes were.

"For what?" Shrek laughed.

"For saving me back there. If you didn't freeze time, I'd be dead, like Viktor." Cory sighed.

"Aw, don't mention it. By the way, how are you feeling about Viktor?" Shrek asked Cory.

"I feel lost without him. He was my only family member left after Mom and Raven died..." Cory said, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"You have to be strong, Cory." Shrek said soothingly.

"H-how? I c-can't stop crying..." Cory sobbed.

"You can't cry. Viktor would have wanted you to be strong. Do it for him. For Raven. For Tanya." Shrek said.

"Y-you're right." Cory whispered, wiping his eyes. "I have to be strong. I can't just let all the stress overwhelm me!" he yelled. "I became president to help this country and to get free weed, so I'm going to do the first part now!"

Within a heartbeat, a gunshot went off.

"Geeeaaaugh!" a voice screamed, and the sound of a body hitting the ground was heard.

Cory felt hot.

"A-Aaron!" Shrek gasped. Cory opened his eyes. Aaron was laying on the ground, a bullet hole going through his brain. He felt nauseous.

"O-oh god..." Cory leaned out of the helicopter and puked out of it.

"Cory, you know how to work a helicopter, right?" Donkey asked.

"Wh-what?"

"I mean, you ARE the president. You should know how to fly a helicopter." Donkey said.

"Of course I know how to fly a helicopter!" Cory shouted, and walked over to the front of the cockpit. "Um..." Cory pulled a random lever. The helicopter started to go up.

"You're doing it, Cory!" Shrek cheered. "I knew we could count on you!"

"Heh, of course..." Cory said quietly, and pushed a button.

A hand grabbed Cory's wrist.

"Not now, Aaron. I'm trying to fly this helicopter." Cory said impatiently.

"..."

"..."

"Wait, what?" Cory slowly looked over at Aaron.

Aaron's skin was moldy and disgusting, and his skull was cracked open. His brain was pouring out of his rough-edged skull, and his torso was ripped open, revealing his ribs.

"Jesus!" Cory yelled, and jerked out his Cobra. "Die, you freak!" he screamed, and pulled the trigger. More brains splattered all over Cory's face, and Aaron's corpse fell out of the helicopter.

"Man, that was close." Shrek said, and walked over.

"Yeah, we almost got ki-" Cory started, but was cut off by another gunshot.

"SHIT!" Donkey yelled. "Duck!"

Another gunshot went off. The helicopter lit on fire, and started spiraling towards the ground.

"We're gonna die!" Cory screamed, and shot off in a random direction.

"I-I can't tell where the gunshots are coming from! I'm not detecting any enemies on my Shrek-Radar, so he must be camoflagued!" Shrek yelled over the explosions and the screaming.

"What's that?!" Cory yelled, spotting a large figure flying towards them.

"I can't tell! We might have to jump for it!" Shrek screamed.

"Wait! Guys! It's Dragon-chan!" Donkey yelled. "Yoohoo! Dragon! Over here!"

Dragon slammed into the helicopter, and it smashed into pieces. Cory, Shrek, and Donkey fell onto her back.

"Thanks, Dragon-san!" Shrek said gratefully as the four heroes flew away into the sunset.

"Oh, you don't have to be so formal, Shrek-kun ^_^~" said Dragon-chan.

"Hi, Dragon-chan! My name is Cory." Cory told her.

"Nice to meet you, Cory-kun~!" she ^_^ed.

"How did you know we needed help?" Cory asked.

"I have a tracking device on Donkey at all times." she explained.

"Oh. That make sense."

"So, where are we headed~ ^w^?" Dragon-chan asked.

"Our destination is Berlin!" Shrek said enthusiastically.

"Alright, let's go~!" Dragon-chan said, and that started the journey.


	4. Chapter 4

Where we last left our heroes, they were flying to Berlin with Dragon-chan.

"How much longer until we get there, Dragon-chan?" Cory asked her, playing Flappy Bird on his iPhone 27. "DAMNIT, I DIED AGAIN!"

"About 2 more days, Baxter-san." she yawned. "I think I need a break, though. We're already in New York."

"Wow, really? You're a dragon! You don't need sleep." Cory said, punching her back.

"Cory! That's my wife you're punching!" Donkey yelled.

"Woah, sorry. I'm not thinking clearly." Cory said, feeling slightly dizzy. "I think I need to sleep."

"We should probably stop somewhere, Dragon-chan." Shrek said. "We're all tired and need to eat."

"Alright. I'm going to land in this forest over here." Dragon-chan told the boys, and started gliding down to the forest. When they landed, Cory, Shrek, and Donkey hopped off of her back. The forest was pretty big, and had average sized trees. There was a lake in the center.

"This is a really pretty forest." said Shrek.

"Yeah, I really like it." Cory had to agree. The forest was beautiful.

"Dragon-chan and I are going to go find some food and get some water. You guys stay there." Donkey told them.

"Alright." Shrek said. Once they were gone, he turned to Cory. "The sunlight is really hot, we need to get into some shade."

"It's not that hot..." said Cory.

"Just get into shade!" Shrek yelled at him.

"Wait, Shrek..." Cory said, looking at him. "Are you... sparkling?"

"What? No!" Shrek turned and walked into the shade of a large tree. "I'm not sparkling."

"I'm pretty sure you were." Cory argued.

"No, I wasn't. Just drop it, okay?" Shrek sat down. "Anyways, are you okay? You've witnessed a lot of death recently." he asked.

"I'm fine. I'm used to death. Since I've been growing up during the war, I've had to watch most of my family get murdered." Cory sighed. "It's really stressful, though, knowing that I'll never see them again. I was starting to like Aaron, too. He was a really likable person, you know?"

"I know what you mean." Shrek agreed. "I miss him a lot. I've known him ever since I was deported out of Far Far Away and had to go to America."

"Why were you deported out of Far Far Away?" Cory asked.

"Because they found out I was a..." Shrek stopped. "Er, nevermind. It's not that important."

"Found out you were a what?" Cory asked. He was really confused. Was Shrek hiding something from him?

"It really doesn't matter." Shrek said stubbornly. "I don't know why I even brought it up in the first place, I'm just making you worry more."

"Shrek, are you hiding something from me?" Cory asked, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Wha- no!" Shrek said, patting him on the back.

"Shrek, we shouldn't keep secrets. I trust you a lot. I really like you... I think I might even like you more than a friend..." Cory cried.

"I can't be more than your friend, Cory!" Shrek said nervously "I-I don't want to hurt you!"

"How would it hurt me?! I love you, Shrek!" Cory yelled.

"Because I'm a vampire!" Shrek roared.

"..."

"..."

"You're a... a vampire?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, Cory..." Shrek said apologetically.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Cory yelled.

"I didn't want to hurt you! The Nazis are after me because they know I'm a vampire. They want to capture me and take my blood to make Mecha-Hitler a vampire!"

"Why would they do that? Isn't he already a robot?"

"Well, I'm not exactly sure. I thought the same thing, but apparently they REALLY want my blood. Maybe he's not really a robot?" Shrek pondered.

"No, he has to be a robot. How would he be Mecha-Hitler if he wasn't even a robot?"

"I'm... not sure. But why would they bring him back to life? He failed the first time, he'll just fail again." Shrek sighed. "It makes absolutely no sense. I don't get it."

"We'll find out once we kill him..." Cory said. "But Shrek, what about us?"

"Us? No, Cory! We can't!" Shrek yelled.

"But why, Shrek? I love you!" Cory cried.

"I love you too Cory, but I already told you! It's not safe!"

"Shrek, please... You're the only one who has ever completely understood me. I need you."

"Cory..." Shrek sighed. "No." he said, shaking his head. "I've made up my mind. I couldn't bear to lose you."

"Fine..." Cory said, sitting down. "I understand."

"Good. I'm sorry, Cory."

"It's okay. I forgive you. I know it must be tough."

"Yeah, before I found you I was constantly on the run. Then I met up with Donkey and Aaron and my Shrek-Radar detected a murder." Shrek explained.

"Wait, what's this Shrek-Radar?"

"Well, it's my radar. You see, I was made to save people. That's my goal in life, to save the lives of as many people as I possibly can. I detected that you were trying to kill Viktor, so I came to help him."

"How did you stop time and heal my wounds?" Cory asked.

"I was given those powers when I signed the contract to become a Shrekpire to save people." Shrek said, sighing deeply.

'Who gave you the contract?"

"His name was, gah, I forget." Shrek said. "I think it was Sadiki something. Sadiki Thirston? I don't know, I was really depressed and drunk when I met him. It was only once."

"How did it happen? Did you even know him before that."

"Nope, just met him at the bar. It was right after Fiona was killed. I was depressed and sad, and didn't know what to do. I gave in to alcohol, and was really drunk." explained Shrek. "Sadiki came up to me and what was wrong. I told him everything. He was really understanding, and it seemed like he liked me a lot. He called me his nigga."

"Wow, he must have liked you a lot." said Cory.

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Anyway, he told me he knew how I could get back at Hitler. I asked him how, and he showed me a contract. 'Sign a contract with me and become a Shrekpire!' he proposed."

"What did the contract say?" Cory asked him curiously.

"It said that I could get one wish in exchange for becoming a Shrekpire." he said. "I agreed, and wished for all Nazis to leave Far Far Away. He granted my wish, but the residents of Far Far Away saw me as some kind of freak after that."

"They don't have any vampires there?"

"Well, I'm sure they have some, but I was the only ogre vampire." Shrek hung his head dejectedly. "They hated me."

"They were stupid." Cory slammed his fist on the ground.

"What?" Shrek looked at him. "I was a freak."

"They didn't give you a chance to show them who you really were! They were idiots!" Cory yelled.

"Aw, Cory... Thank you." Shrek moved his hand towards Cory's.

"You're the nicest ogre I know, Shrek." Cory said, and locked hands with Shrek.

"You're the nicest human I know, Cory." Shrek said, and leaned in towards Cory. Cory leaned in too, and their lips met. It was an amazing moment for Cory. He felt butterflies in his stomach as Shrek's large green tongue made its way into his mouth. He breathed in the scent of onions and he felt Shrek's wet tongue battling his tongue fiercely. They finally pulled away, both smiling.

"I can't believe we just did that..." Shrek said, and got up. "I shouldn't have done that, I'm an idiot!"

"Shrek, turn me into a Shrekpire too!" Cory said, getting up with him.

"No, Cory! I can't do that!" Shrek yelled. "I'm going to go find Donkey and Dragon-chan." he said, and walked away.

"It was worth a shot..." Cory said, and rolled out the sleeping bag Dragon-chan gave him. He was really tired and needed some sleep. In the morning, he'd probably forget about all of this and think it was a dream.


	5. Chapter 5

Cory was running down a long, winding hallway. All he could see in the distance was darkness. His legs were just starting to get tired, when he saw a big black door.

"Wh-what's this?" Cory thought out loud, and went to push the door open. Slowly, it opened, and Cory found himself in a swamp. He saw a broken old woody sign that said "Beware Ogre."

"Get out of my swamp!" Cory heard a familiar voice yell.

"We're trying to make a perfect world. Ogres won't do." a german voice said.

"I'm not an ogre! I'm just big and green!" Shrek yelled at the Nazi. The Nazi pulled out his MP38 and pointed it at Shrek. "Stop! You don't know what you're doing!" Shrek stepped back, but tripped over a rock and fell on his ogre butt.

"STOOOOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Cory screamed, and leaped through the door.

He hit his head on the ground. He looked up, and he was laying down on grass.

"It was all... a dream?" Cory asked himself, looking around. The bright sun was shining in his eyes. He saw Shrek, Donkey, and Dragon-chan cooking hotdogs on a camp fire. Dragon-chan looked over at him.

"It's about time you woke up, Senpai!" she said. "Shrek-kun and Donkey-kun and I have been up for hours -.-!"

"Ah, sorry. I had a nightmare." Cory told her, slowly getting up.

"What happened in it?" Donkey asked.

"Don't worry about it, Eddie." Cory shook his head and walked over to the campfire.

"The hotdogs are almost done." Shrek told Cory. "Once we finish eating, we have to leave right away. Our next stop is Germany. We're in England right now, so it shouldn't take long."

"I see. By the way, where did you guys get those hotdogs?"

"Oh, there's a grocery store right outside of the forest ^_^~!" Dragon-chan explained.

"Wow. That's pretty neat."

Cory, Shrek, Donkey, and Dragon-chan talked about casual everyday things while they were cooking their hotdogs. When they finally finished, the boys hopped on Dragon-chan's back.

"So, how long do you think it'll take for us to get to Berlin?" Cory asked Dragon-chan.

"About 5 hours ^w^." Dragon-chan said.

"That's a pretty short amount of time." Donkey said.

"Well, what can I say? I fly fast :3." Dragon-chan ^w^ed. "Hold on tight, boys. We're going up!"

"I can't wait to kill Mecha-Hitler!" Shrek said. "I'll finally get revenge for Fiona and all of my friends from Far Far Away."

"Hey, Shrek. Can we speak privately for a minute?" Cory asked.

"Alright, sure." said Shrek, and they both crawled over to the back of Dragon-chan. Once they were out of whispering range from Donkey and Dragon-chan, Shrek whispered "This better not be about you wanting to be a Shrekpire."

"No, it's not." Cory whispered. "It's about my nightmare."

"What happened?" Shrek asked.

"Well, I was running down a really long hallway, and it was confusing and stuff." Cory explained. "Then I saw this huge black door, and I opened it up, and I saw your swamp."

"My swamp? What was happening there?"

"You were standing at the door of your hut, and there was a Nazi telling you that you were going to be killed because Ogres aren't allowed in a perfect world."

"Then what happened?"

"Y-you... got shot..." Cory stammered.

"Cory-kun..." Shrek said, and moved his hand closer to Cory's. "I'm right here. I had a rough time in Far Far Away, but that was so long ago. I'm sure that if you turned around in the hallway, on the other side you'd see us, saving the world. Together."

"Sh-shrek..."

"Once we defeat Mecha Hitler and the Nazis, we'll spend time together doing fun things. We'll be together, always. I promise."

"I love you, Shrek." Cory said, and locked fingers with Shrek. "I'll be strong for you."

"Good. I love you too, Cory." Shrek said. "Let's get back to Donkey and Dragon-chan now." They crawled back over to the front of Dragon-chan.

"What were you two talking about O-o?" Dragon-chan asked. "Is it forbidden love :3?"

"Wh-what!? No!" Cory yelled. "What's that?" he pointed to a black object in the distance.

"That's a helicopter, damnit!" Donkey yelled. "Dragon-chan! Get out of the way!" he screamed as a turret started firing at them.

"D-Donkey-kun!" Dragon-chan screamed as a bullet hit her in the wing. She started falling, and her eyes were closing. "Daisuki, Donkey-kun ;w;." she whispered, and another bullet tore through her skull.

"DRAGON-CHAN! NO!" Donkey screamed. "I PROMISED YOU I WOULD GET MY BODY BACK AND YOU'D BE ABLE TO WITNESS IT!"

"Donkey, I'm so sorry..." Shrek started at the holes in Dragon-chan's head, wide-eyed. Suddenly, a plane came zooming in, and smacked into Dragon-chan's corpse.

"NO! IT CAN'T END LIKE THIS!" Donkey screamed. Cory saw a brown aura appear around him. "I'm transforming! I haven't been a human in so long!" He stood up on his hind legs, grew taller, and before Cory knew it, he was Eddie Murphy. Then Cory hit his head on one of Dragon's scales and blacked out.


	6. Chapter 6

Cory opened his eyes. He was in a dark cell, with a toilet, a sink, but nothing more. Except for the two men standing at the front of the cell, talking to a guard outside the cell door. There was Eddie, as Cory recognized from his voice and his facial features, and a stereotypical Mexican.

"Ay, mang! Let Chico out!" he said, banging on the cell door. "No es muy divertido!"

"Just shut up and wait for the Warden's orders." the guard said, and smacked the Mexican man in the face with a stun baton.

"AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

"Chico! Are you okay!?" Eddie said, rushing to Chico, who was now on the ground. Blood was pouring out of his now broken nose.

"Vaya con huevos..." Chico said, shaking his head. "Where's Enrique JuanPablo Diego Fernandez Gonzalez?"

"I don't know, I think he's in the cell next to us. I'm pretty sure I hear him talking to Shrek." he looked over at Cory. "Cory! You're awake!"

"Hi, Eddie. Who's this?" Cory asked, nodding to Chico.

"This is Chico Costopoulos. I just met him when I woke up. We were caught by the Nazis and arrested." Eddie explained.

"Why's Chico here?"

"He tried to illegally cross the border."

"Ayayay!" Chico said, passing out in the back of the cell.

"Alright, I will be your Warden for today." a loud, booming voice rang out. "I'd like all prisoners to go to and face your cell doors and AFK freeze. If you are not doing so by 10 seconds, you will be KOS."

"This is really weird..." Cory said, and he and Eddie stepped up to the cell doors and stopped moving."Do you think Chico will be okay?"

"Yeah, nobody will see him in the shadows." Eddie said.

"Alright."

"Okay. So, when the cell doors open, please crouch-walk to the black and yellow striped line, and AFK freeze. Mics for prisoners are KOS." The Warden said, and the door of Cory's cell started to open. Cory crouched down, and started slowly walking to the black and yellow striped line in the center of the jail with all the other prisoners. He saw Shrek and another Mexican man crouch walking along with the 10 or so other prisoners. Then Cory spotted Eddie, walking normally. Not crouching. A man turned to Eddie.

"Eddie, what the hell are you do-" a bullet went through the man's head, and he fell onto the ground in a pool of his own blood.

"Hey, Ass. What do you think you're doing?" the Warden walked up to Eddie.

"Walking to the line, sir." Eddie said, his voice shaking. The Warden raised his gun and put it up to Eddie's head.

"This is what happens when you disobey the Warden's orders." he said, and pulled the trigger. Eddie crumbled to the ground, his brains on the hard stone floor. "Guard, clean that up."

Cory could only stand on the line in the center of the jail, trying not to scream.

"Okay, now, I'm going to ask all of you what's for breakfast. You're going to tell me what's for breakfast, and if I like it, you live. Any questions?" The Warden explained. Cory raised his hand.

"WHAT IF I DON'T EAT BREAKFAST?" Cory asked.

"Make one up. Okay, I'll start from the left side of the line." The Warden walked over to the man on the far left. Cory was relieved, since he was all the way on the right side of the line. "What's your name?"

"S-Senpai-kun..." the man stammered in a stereotypical Japanese accent.

_Wow, there's a lot of stereotypes in this jail, huh?_ Cory thought to himself.

"Well, STUTTER-KUN!" The Warden laughed cruelly at his own joke. "What's for breakfast?"

"Ah, umm..." Senpai-kun thought for a minute. "A bowl of riceu, a filletu of grilled salted salmonu, a bowl of miso soup, a side of Natto, and several sheets of seasonedu seaweedu."

"Anything else?" The Warden yawned.

"Er... hotto caku?" Senpai-kun said.

"Gay. Guards, kill him." The Warden commanded, and a guard walked up to Senpai-kun with a light machine gun and destroyed his fragile body with bullets.

"SENPAI-KUN! NO!" yelled a woman with huge anime eyes. The guard shot her to death aswell, since mics for prisoners were KOS."

"Alright, next prisoner." The Warden said, and walked up to the next man in line. At this point, not including Cory, Shrek, Chico, and Enrique JuanPablo Diego Fernandez Gonzalez, there were only 3 prisoners left. "What's your name?" he asked the big buff man.

"MY NAME IS REGINALD." he said in a deep, rough voice.

"Alright, Reggie. What's for breakfast?" The Warden asked.

"SHIT!" Reggie screamed.

"Alright, I eat that all the time." The Warden chuckled. He moved onto the next prisoner. This prisoner was a black and red hedgehog.

"Wow, what's your name?" The Warden gasped.

"My name is Shadow." the Hedgehog said edgily. "Edgily doesn't sound right. Almost like it's not a real word. But trust me, it is."

"Edgily just doesn't sound right..." The Warden looked confused.

"It means in an edgy manner."

"Okay, so, what's for breakfast, Shadow?"

"Nails and grenades." Shadow pulled out a Beretta 92fs and cocked it like a shotgun.

"Those would hurt pretty bad. Shadow the Hedgehog is now..." The Warden shot Shadow in the head. "Shadow the DEADHOG! Edgy, huh?" he laughed.

_Oh no... Shadow looked so cool, why did he have to die?_ Cory thought to himself, blushing at the though of the strong, manly hedgehog.

"Next prisoner!" The Warden yelled, and walked to the last man. It was an african american man. "What's your name?"

"Tyrone." said the african american man.

"Alright, Tyrone! What's for breakfast?"

"How about some Cocoa Nuggets?" Tyrone suggested.

"I love Cocoa Nuggets!" The Warden gave Tyrone a high five. "Alright, I'm getting bored of this game. Let's play a different game."

Cory sighed with relief. He didn't know what he'd say if The Warden asked him.

"Alright. Now, we're going to play-" a gunshot rang out through the air, and The Warden collapsed. Cory spotted Chico across the jail, in his cell, holding a sniper rifle.

"The Warden is dead!" Tyrone yelled victoriously. "It is now a freeday!"

"G-get the sniper!" A guard yelled, but was shot in the head. His lifeless corpse hit the ground with a soft thud.

"Yes! You go, holmes!" Enrique JuanPablo Diego Fernandez Gonzalez cheered. "Only one guard left, mang!"

"I need to get out of here!" The remaining guard yelled, and ran into the armory. Chico shot him in the back, and he fell onto the ground. The guard pulled out his radio and said "Requesting... backup...", and then he fainted.

"Damnit, they're calling for backup!" Shrek said angrily.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER, BECAUSE WHEN THEY COME FOR US WE CAN SHIT ALL OVER THEM JUST LIKE WE DID TO THE OTHER GUARDS!" screamed Reggie.

"Yeah! Let's go, guys!" Cory yelled, and they all ran over to Chico.

"How are we going to open the door, guys?" asked Tyrone.

"Don't worry, holmes." Chico said. "Chico has a friend who can hack! He is in Anonymous!"

"Alright, take one of the guard's phones and call him." Shrek said .

"Aight, mang." Chico went up to a guard's body and pulled an iPhone out of his back pocket. He dialed a number and put the phone to his ear. "Ay, mang! Is Chico! I need you to hack the doors of this jail."

After about a minute of nodding and the occasional "mhm", Chico turned to the rest of the group. "He says the doors should be opened in a few seconds!"

"Woohoo!" Cory cheered. And then, the door opened. Our six heroes were blinded by the dazzling light. But something seemed off. When the jail doors opened, our heroes saw that they were in a city wth tanks driving down the roads, and Nazis walking their dogs. They were in the heart of Germany. They were in Berlin!

"I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Enrique JuanPablo Diego Fernandez Gonzalez yelled, and ran out with a pistol in his hands. The Nazis spotted him, and started chasing him.

"We need to help Enrique JuanPablo Diego Fernandez Gonzalez!" Cory yelled, and started to run out, but Shrek held him back.

"No, Cory... it's too late." Shrek said, a single tear rolling down his cheek. The Nazis cornered Enrique JuanPablo Diego Fernandez Gonzalez in an alleyway.

"Drop your weapon and put your hands in the air!" said one of the Nazis.

"NO!" Enrique JuanPablo Diego Fernandez Gonzalez yelled, pointing the gun to his own head. "I'M NEVER GOING BACK TO JAIL!"

His corpse hit the wall faster than you could say Enrique JuanPablo Diego Fernandez Gonzalez.

"NO! ENRIQUE JUANPABLO DIEGO FERNANDEZ GONZALEZ!" Chico screamed, sobbing.

Reggie was silent.

"H-how are we gonna get out with all of these Nazis here, Shrek?" Cory turned to Shrek.

"I'm going to have to use my Shrekpire powers..." Shrek said quietly.

"What are you going to do?" Tyrone asked.

"I'm going to have to use my magic to build a Shrek-mech."


	7. Chapter 7

"A S-Shrek-mech...?" Cory asked, shocked.

"Yeah, a Shrek-me-" Shrek was cut off by a gunshot. Tyrone's head exploded in a burst of gore. "Run across the street into this warehouse!" Shrek yelled. As they were running, Reginald got shot in the chest.

"DICKS!" he screamed, as he fell onto the ground and died.

"NO! ALL OF OUR HOLMES!" Chico cried. They got across the street, and ran into the abandoned warehouse. Inside of the warehouse, there were tons of crates, cobwebs, and dust. Pretty much your average abandoned warehouse.

_Wow, this warehouse sure is unoriginal!_ Cory thought to himself.

"Alright, guys. It's down to the three of us now. So many friends of our have died... are we going to let their deaths be in vain!?" Shrek yelled.

"How are we supposed to do this...?" Cory asked. "Everyone's dying..."

"Cory, we'll always have eachother. Don't worry." Shrek said soothingly.

"What if Chico gets shot down by the german police?" Cory cried.

"That won't happen. We'll protect Chico at all costs." Shrek said. "Now, I'm going to go work on the Shrek-Mech a bit, alright?" Shrek went to the other side of the warehouse.

"Hey, holmes!" Chico called to Cory. "I found some drugs!"

"Wh-what? Why would there be an abandoned warehouse filled with drugs in Berlin?" Cory asked.

"I dunno, mang!" said Chico as he was filling his pockets with cocaine. It was literally pouring out of his pockets.

"Chico! Put that back!" yelled Cory.

"No, mang! I wish I could share this with Enrique JuanPablo Diego Fernandez Gonzalez... but he's dead!" Chico yelled. "This is mine, now! You can't take my cocaine!"

"N-no! Chico, I'm not trying to take it from you, I'm just telling you to put it back so you don't get in trouble!" Cory said, scared.

"It's all mine!" Chico turned, and was about to run out fo the warehouse.

"Wait, Chico..." Cory said. "Why is there an abandoned warehouse full of drugs here?"

"I dunno, holmes, but drugs are drugs." said Chico.

"Chico, don't do this! It's obviously a set-up! Hitler knows we're after him!"

"YOU CAN'T COMMAND CHICO!" Chico yelled, and ran out of the warehouse. Cory heard a voice.

"Just as planned! Get him!" the voice yelled, and guns started firing. Chico's body spasmed as fifty bullets pierced him. Cory spotted 5 Nazis standing across the street, with a man standing infront of them. It was Hitler in the flesh. The one and only Adolf Htler. Well, not really the one and only, since he's a robot clone of the first one, but you get what I mean.

"S-Shrek!" Cory yelled, running to the back of the warehouse. He saw Shrek working on the Shrek-mech, which appeared to be almost done.

"Hitler is right outside, and he killed Chico!" cried Cory.

"W-what? Chico's dead?" Shrek gasped.

"Shrek, I've had this idea..." Cory said, panting.

"Cory, we don't have time! Let me work on this mech so we can get fight Hitler!" Shrek yelled.

"No! Shrek, this is important! I feel like..."

"What?!"

"I feel like everything is set up... like we've been walking into Hitler's plan this whole time."

"Well, of course he knew we were going to get him, that's why they arrested us."

"No, I mean... I feel like they knew we were going to escape the jail, they knew that we were going to meet Chico, Tyrone, and Reginald, and that we were going to go into this warehouse."

"W-what...?"

"In fact, I think that this warehouse was just created to get rid of us. They knew we were going to run into here, that's why they put the cocaine there for Chico."

"N-no... That can't be right!" Shrek stammered. Cory saw his pupils shrinking and his eyes widening like in chinese animes.

"Shrek, hurry up! We need to think of a plan to throw Hitler off. I'm going to go see what he's doing." Cory ran to the entrance of the warehouse and peeked out, and saw the Nazis taking Hitler somewhere.

"I need a good place to hide." Hitler said, as he was walking away with the Nazis.

"I know the perfect place, Fuhrer." said one of the Nazis.

"Where would that be?" Hitler asked.

"The moon. It's literally the perfect place!" he said. "I mean, think about it. Nobody will ever expect us to hide there. It's in space!"

"Sweet beans, Jerry. You have the best ideas!" Hitler said, and gave the Nazi a high-five.

"I guess you could call that..." The Nazi started to giggle. "A nein-five."

"I GET IT! I GET IT JERRY!" Hitler started laughing hysterically.

"What... how is Hitler so chill?" Cory muttered to himself. "Gah, nevermind that! I need to get back to Shrek!" Cory ran back to Shrek.

"Did you find anything out?" Shrek said, looking at his finished Shrek-mech approvingly.

"Yeah, Senpai! I found out that Hitler's going to be hiding up in space on the moon!"

"On the moon? Why would he go on the moon?' asked Shrek.

"Because he expects that we'll never find him there. He's been planning everything, but he didn't know that I was eavesdropping on him. We can totally sneak attack him with our new Shrek-mech!"

"Cory, you understand that going into space to fight Hitler would be very risky, right?"

"Yes, Shrek. But I know I can do it. I'll do anything for you." Cory said, tears filling his eyes. "We've seen too many people we love die, and we've come too far. We have to do this!"

"You're right, Cory." Shrek patted him on the back. "Let's go. Get into the Shrek-mech. It's time to finish this." They both hopped into the Shrek-mech. Shrek was piloting it, and Cory was in the gunner's seat. "Autobots, roll out!" Shrek yelled, and they ran out of the warehouse. Cory heard the screaming of German civilians. "Cory, flip the jetpack switch, Cory!"

"Alright, Shrek!" Cory flipped the jetpack switch, and the Shrek-mech took off into the air.

"S-shoot at it! Come on!" yelled a Nazi, and several Nazis started to shoot at the Shrek-mech, but their bullets just bounced off.

"This is what the Shrek-mech was made for, you filthy Nazis!" yelled Shrek, smiling.

"Shrek, we're gonna destroy Hitler!" Cory said enthusiastically.

"You're right, Cory! We're going to make it!" Shrek laughed, as they left the atmosphere. They were now in outer space. Cory spotted a rocket fly past them, going towards the moon.

"Shrek, I think I see Hitler's rocketship!" Cory gasped.

"Alright, I'm turning on Giga Shrek Boost!" Shrek yelled, and pushed down on a lever. The Shrek-mech bangaranged to light speed, and zoomed after Hitler. Cory's face was peeling back inside of the Shrek-mech because that's what happens when people go fast and it's funny.

"We're almost at the moon!" Shrek said, sounding victorious. That's my favorite show. Cory saw Hitler's rocket ship land, and Hitler jump out of it, onto the moon. "Okay, we're landing!" The Shrek-mech landed, and Cory and Shrek jumped out. Hitler was ready for them.

"Hitler!" Cory yelled. "How did you know everything we were going to do?"

"I've found that if you wait long enough, everything comes to you." Hitler said with an evil grin.

"Why are you back after you killed yourself?" Shrek asked.

"It's simple, really." said Hitler. "If I died then came back to life, nobody would suspect that I came back to life. Then I could easily carry out my plans for world domination, which I have almost achieved by now." he laughed. "Boy, I sure do hate mondays."

"Why do you even want to dominate the world?! It's stupid!" Cory yelled.

"Because then everyone will look up to me. I'll be the world's ultimate ruler! Then Heinz from grade school can't make fun of me anymore!" Hitler yelled.

"But Heinz is probably dead by now! You came back to life, remember?" Shrek argued.

"S-shut up! You're lying! I'll kill Heinz myself when I find him!" Hitler pulled out a sword.

"Here, Cory, I have two swords in my cockpit!" Shrek ran to the Shrek-mech and pulled out two swords, and threw one to Cory. He turned to Hitler. "Let's settle this like real men."

Hitler ran at Cory first, screaming. He jumped into the air, and with a powerful swing, sliced for Cory's head. Luckily, Cory had been practicing his dodges incase something like this ever happened.

"Nice try, Dickler!" Cory said, and avoided the blade by a hair. That's a really short length, considering how short Cory's hair is.

"Don't underestimate my power!" yelled Hitler, and he did a cool backflip, slamming his blade against the thin air where Cory was just a second before that.

"What power? You're terrible with a sword!" Cory laughed. He jabbed for Hitler's chest, but Hitler parried the attack with his sword and sliced for Cory's legs. Cory jumped up, avoiding the blade.

"Alright Cory, I'm coming in!" Shrek said, and charged at Hitler with his sword. He did a 360 spin and chucked his sword at Hitler. It went in Hitler's eye, and he started to scream. He pulled the sword out of his eye and threw it on the ground.

"M-my eye!" he screamed, clutching his eye-hole.

"That's what you get!" Cory yelled.

"Now I'll need an eyepatch!" cried Hitler.

"Yeah!" Shrek laughed.

"But you know what...?" Hitler looked up, smiling like a psychotic person. "I don't care."

"W-what?" Cory gasped.

"I think you guys are forgetting something..." Hitler said. "First of all, I could wear an eyepatch now, and eyepatches look really cool."

"Damnit!" Cory said. "We've been tricked!"

"No, no. That's not all."

"Oh. What else, then?" Cory asked, confused. Hitler answered not with words, but with actions. His bloody mangled eye retracted into his eye-hole, and out came another perfectly new eye.

"Wh-what?" Cory's eyes widened and his pupils shrunk.

"I'm a mech, REMEMBER?" Hitler laughed, and he raised his sword.

"How could we have been so stupid!?" Shrek yelled, and grabbed his sword from the ground. After attempting to stab Hitler multiple times, he realized that it was futile to try and kill him with just a sword. "Come on, Cory! Get into the Shrek-mech!"

"Okay, Shrek-san!" Cory follwoed the order and got into the gunner's seat of the Shrek-mech. He started firing at Hitler, but the bullets were doing nothing. As they hit his skin, it burned away to reveal metal under the skin.

"I will create a perfect world!" Hitler yelled, raising both of his arms. His hands retracted into his sleeves, and two metal turrets popped out of them. "Ogres and friends of ogres are unacceptable!"

"Gah!" Shrek yelled as Hitler started firing at the Shrek-mech. The bullets were actually denting it. "Cory, stay in here! I'll get out and use my Shrekpire powers to fight him!"

"N-no! Shrek, it's too dangerous!" Cory gasped.

"I need to try!" Shrek jumped out of the Shrek-mech, and charged at Hitler. At first, Shrek was forming a magical barrier to reflect all of Hitler's bullets, but Cory could tell that the magic was getting weaker and weaker the longer he held it for.

"Ay, it's yo' boy SD, man." said a voice next to Cory. Cory turned around, shocked.

"W-what are you doing here? Who are you?" Cory shrieked.

"I think you know me." the man winked.

"S-Sadiki-san?" Cory stammered.

"Yes, boy. It is I." Sadiki said. Cory watched as the barrier was still getting weaker. Shrek's face was looking more and more depressed and unconfident.

"What can I do? I can't just watch as Shrek gets killed by Hitler!" Cory cried.

"Well..." Sadiki said. "I can make you a Shrekpire."

"Wh-what? Really?" Cory asked. "But... I'm not an ogre."

"I can make you a Shrekpire, but since you're not an ogre, you don't get a wish." Sadiki explained. "You just get the magic, and become an ogre."

"It's good enough for me." Cory said confidently.

"Okay, I'm commencing the transformation..." Sadiki raised his palms, and Cory lifted into the air. His sexy blue polo shirt and his shorts disappeared, and rags appeared on him. His skin started to turn green, and ogre ears sprouted out of his head. The stench of onions filled his nostrils.

"CORY! STOP IT!" Shrek screamed, but Cory grabbed the controls of the Shrek-mech. He felt the power of generations of ogres flowing through his blood.

"I'LL SAVE YOU SHREK! AND THE WORLD!" he raised the Shrek-mech's arm. "GIGA!" Cory yelled, and a giant onion appeared at the end of the arm. "SHREK!" he got ready to charge into Mecha-Hitler. "BREEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!" and he slammed into Hitler, breaking Shrek's magic shield, and causing a huge explosion.

Once the smoke cleared, Shrek ran over to the Shrek-mech. Laying next to it, in pieces, was Hitler. Sparks were shooting out of his head.

"Cory! We did it!" Shrek cheered, but then he looked into the Shrek-mech. The mech itself was in perfect condition, but Shrek saw something inside of it that twisted his heart. "N-no..." Shrek fell onto his knees, staring at Cory's bloody ogre corpse. "Cory..." he sobbed, but Cory couldn't hear him, for he was dead. "Y-you sacrificed yourself for me... you idiot..." Shrek fell onto the ground, utterly defeated. Then, he heard a voice in his head.

"Are you just going to admit defeat here? We won, Shrek." Cory's voice echoed.

"Cory... we... won." Shrek wiped his tears. He took Cory's watch, and put it on. "I'll always love you, Cory." he whispered.


	8. Epilogue

President Shrek was looking out of the window of his office, clutching a watch in his hand. He was now president of the country he saved, which was part of the world he saved. It was all thanks to Cory. After Shrek returned from the moon, he and the remaining government members of the U.S seperated the continents, and they eliminated Hitler's artificial zombie virus. The world was back to normal, before Mecha-Hitler ruled all. Shrek became the president, and made a bunch of new friends in America. But he would still miss that one boy that had a special place in his heart. His true love, which he never had a chance to marry.

"I know one thing..." Shrek said, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "Washington D.C will never be the same."


End file.
